


everything i wanted

by criesinenochian



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Relationships, Cute Ending, Denial of Feelings, Drabble, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Frak Buddies, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mutual Pining, POV Sabrina Spellman, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criesinenochian/pseuds/criesinenochian
Summary: Sabrina and Caliban are fuck buddies, but Sabrina realizes she wants more. Obviously he feels the same way, but she doesn't know that.
Relationships: Caliban (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina)/Sabrina Spellman, Harvey Kinkle/Rosalind "Roz" Walker, Robin Goodfellow (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina)/Theo Putnam
Comments: 5
Kudos: 125





	everything i wanted

Watching from across the cramped space of Dr. Cerberus's Halloween diner, Sabrina Spellman held her milkshake close to her chest, cold droplets of water coating her palm and her unoccupied fingers pinching the red and white straw. She had her eyes fixed solely on the only boy she showed any interest in, the only boy who had shown her any compassion outside of Harvey and Theo. Caliban. She knew that from someone else's point of view, she probably looked as if she were on the brink of shooting fire from her intense gaze. Hell, who knew what Sabrina would do. The blonde drew in a deep, cooling breath of the stuff air surrounding her, attempting to calm her overthinking nerves. Watching him like that, so smiley and casual, it felt like someone was oh so slowly driving a knife into her heart, twisting the blade every time Caliban smiled at this other girl. Sabrina knew he wasn't hers to be jealous over, wasn't hers at all, but seeing him so easily flirtatious and calm around someone that wasn't her gave her subconscious reason to tell her how replaceable she really was. 

Sabrina didn't like being second, or anything other than number one. Not like this. Not to him. She let out the breath of air and felt her shoulders droop. As if suddenly snapped back into reality, she realized how crowded and uncomfortably tight the diner was, nearly spilling over with customers. It was Halloween weekend, so of course everyone wanted to get their fill of spooky decorations and taste Hilda's newly added seasonal milkshake with gummy spiders sprinkling the whipped cream on top. The witch swallowed down her uneasiness and scanned the faces around her like a hawk, trying not to focus on Caliban, trying to spot her friends. She could hear Theo arguing over some controversial topic, darting her head in the direction and following the sound like a shark smelling blood. 

Sabrina smiled, actually relieved and somewhat at ease, once she finally found her four favorite people sitting crammed and cheerful around a booth. The blonde perhaps rudely pushed through happy crowds of families and friends, harshly shoving passed chattering girls and angrily trying to reach the booth without having to spell everyone away from her. She nearly punched the boy who's hand had gripped her arm gently without realizing who it belonged to. Sabrina then regained her control and shrugged off the tenseness. 

"Caliban. Sorry." She tried not to focus on the warm hold his hand had on her, tried not to let her eyes wonder down to his grinning mouth, tried to stay headstrong and remind herself that she is the literal Queen of Hell, not some weak schoolgirl. She really shouldn't be so easily wooed by one man. Caliban let go of her arm now that they were standing practically six inches apart. Sabrina almost frowned, almost. 

"Hey, Princess. Why so tense?" He joked, his smile graciously warming his cheeks. Sabrina felt her body relax. 

"I don't really like being this social. Too overwhelming, you know?" She explained, her voice even and some kind of sarcastic. Truth is she always did fine in swarming audiences of strangers, but not so fine with him talking to someone else in the midst of them. She took a sip from her milkshake and studied his face for reasons that she may not be able to if he decides that their arrangement should come to an end. Caliban sighs and looks around, nodding. 

"Well, we could go somewhere more private... Like your bedroom, maybe?" He suggests. When his eyes come back to hers, Sabrina feels herself gaping up at him, straw still in her mouth and all. Sweet Satan, why couldn't she control herself? 

She cleared her throat and took the straw out of her mouth, licking her lips of all the excess chocolate milkshake. Caliban's eyes followed her tongue. This was getting awfully intense. Sabrina shifted from foot to foot, trying not to show how much he affected her, but most definitely failing already. He smiled cockily. 

She decided to take another route. 

"Did your little friend over there say no or something?" Sabrina felt proud, but still upset that the thought made her heart clench sourly. Caliban smiled wider. 

"Is Sabrina Spellman jealous?" He counters. The blonde rolls her eyes and starts to turn around, remembering she was interrupted on her trek towards her friends. Caliban shouted something inaudible and gripped her arm again, this time with a sense of desperation, urgency. She smirked, enjoying having him chase after her instead of the other way around. Turning around slowly and deliberately forcing herself to look bored, Sabrina sipped from her chocolate milkshake with a cocky demeanor. Caliban didn't let go of her arm this time. 

"She's not a friend. In fact, she's one of yours. We were talking about yours truly." Caliban's grip loosened, but didn't leave her leather coated arm, using it to pull her close to him. The large groups of Greendale citizens lessened by maybe one fifth, the diner's bells only ringing occasionally. Sabrina smiled at that, the thought of him not only thinking of her on his own, but speaking happily about her to other women. Of course, he could be lying and using his predominantly charming nature to seduce her. She didn't let herself dwell on that, though. Caliban had always been so very sweet to her, always one to make sure Sabrina was truly okay and check up on her regularly and sometimes sleep over after they... Did you-know-what. 

"How about we discuss this after you're done being so jealous, hm?" Caliban teases. Sabrina shrugs and shakes her head, not trying to hide the white grin pressed into her cheeks. 

"How about we not discuss any of this ever again. I'm not jealous, just observant." Sabrina faded into a more serious tone, her smile faltering. Caliban sighed and nodded down at her, his head dipping before he combed back his hair and gazed into her eyes for an extended few seconds. Sabrina felt her mouth part and she stepped closer to him, lavished by the feeling of his thumb smoothing circles on her upper arm. She stood a mere three inches away from him now. 

Whatever this was, Sabrina knew she felt some sort of wrong about it. Yes, she loves getting to have him kiss her and hold her and feel her, but not being able to wake up to him and share desserts with him was what made her heart ache. It was like being able to live without ever seeing the sun; surrounded by so much life, but never being kissed by the warm rays of sun was not a life at all. Call her dramatic, but she yearned for a loosely hand held dance around a field, longed for cozy nights spent curled beside him, dizzied at the thought of being so close to him for as long as she had wanted. Sabrina always felt as if she were dying until their next hello. Their next touch. She sighed at the wallowing thought, straining her feet to press a gentle kiss to his cheek before stepping back with a pinched smile. 

"I'll see you later." Sabrina finished, turning around and hurriedly walking towards the busy table of her closest companions. She didn't look back at Caliban or wait to hear him say anything protesting, she couldn't when her eyes were already stinging and gathering tears on her bottom lid. Her heart hurt thinking that she may never get to call him hers. 

She squeezed away the draining ideas and her unshed tears, not wanting to distress her friends. They didn't seem to notice, greeting her excitedly when she sat down cramped beside Roz. Her left leg stuck off the edge of the booths cushioned seat, but she didn't mind, already pressed firmly into the girl's side. They all smiled and watched her, Theo the first to see she wasn't as exuberant as the rest of them. 

"Hey, what's wrong, 'Brina?" He asked. Roz glanced over at the witch, her gaze resembling one of a confused mother. She dropped her hand onto Sabrina's knee and squeezed reassuringly. The gang wore worried faces and waited for Sabrina's empty stare to morph into some sort of an explanation for her being so down during her favorite holiday. The blonde sighed and closed her eyes, hating that she was interrupting her friend's joyous chatter for an intervention of her problems. She felt horrible now, but knew they weren't going to let her sulk while they enjoyed themselves. She looked up and around, admiring the tremendous radiation of caring and sentiment exerting from her companions. 

"Just boy problems." She supplies a vague response, one that doesn't ease anyone's concerned face around the booth. Theo and Robin, seated across from her, both happen to make the same pinched frown, and Roz and Harvey both have furrowed brows. 

"Did he hurt you?" Harvey speaks up, sitting up straighter as if proving how masculine he can be. Theo mirrors him, knitting together his brows and putting on his tough guy face. 

"No, no. Not physically, at least." Sabrina replies quickly, almost laughing at the thought of Caliban ever putting her in any form of unwanted pain. It was so bizarre to her, something she would never have to worry about with him. They both relaxed, settling back into their spot at the table. Roz squeezed her knee again, a silent encouragement to further explain what was bothering her so much. Sabrina swallowed and began speaking. 

"We have this... Arrangement, I suppose. It's been going on for, I don't know, maybe a month. At first, it was perfect. Exactly what I needed. But, now that I've gotten to see him, like really see him, I want more than what we have." Sabrina sadly sips at her milkshake and watches the level of her whipped cream sink down the glass, just like her heart, dropping endlessly into an abyss. A bit dramatic, yes, but utterly true. 

"So, why don't you tell him how you feel?" Theo asked. 

"It's never something I paid much mind to until, like, two days ago, but I don't think he wants to build on what we already have. I think," Sabrina sighs and pauses, gathering her concerning thoughts. "I think he might break it off soon, anyways." 

"What? Who would ever leave you?" Roz tries for a reassuring, humorous reply. Sabrina smiles and leans on her shoulder, sighing for what feels like the eighth time in the passed five minutes. 

"I saw him talking to another girl, and he says it was nothing, but I think he's trying to soften the blow. Trying to let me down slowly, you know?" She suggests. They all nod sadly, not knowing what else to contribute to the now dreary conversation. The diner has calmed by a landslide, now more than half of the evening crowd now filtering out of Dr. Cerberus's, the bells only ringing every few minutes. It's only distant chatter and footsteps that can be heard amongst the remaining people in the diner. 

"Sorry for the sudden downer talk. I'll figure it out, guys, it's really not that bad." Sabrina plays it off, lifting her head from Roz's sweater covered shoulder and waving off the conversation like it's nothing. 

"Hey, if you need anything from any of us, we'd all be happy to help. I know we met a few weeks ago, but I'll always offer my help." Robin chimed from his corner spot beside a smiling Theo. Sabrina grinned at him and nodded thoughtfully. Robin Goodfellow was indeed the purest, sweetest boy Sabrina had ever seen, and was over the moon elated that Theo finally got what he deserved in a partner and friend. Roz nudged her shoulder to suggest she agreed with what Robin said. Already Sabrina felt better, a million times over. Her friends always knew, if not how to fix something, knew what to say to make her feel less alone. 

She smiled and silently watched them dissolve into their usual talk of current events or dumb animal combinations that could take over the world. She was happy. 

xx

"That was..." 

"Wow." Sabrina exhaled. 

"Yeah. Wow." Caliban huffed. They were both out of breath and had a thin sheet of sweat covering their naked bodies. Sabrina closed her eyes and wished she wasn't so damn hot. 

Caliban laid on top of her with his head resting on her chest was not helping, though she did enjoy how his hair was flopped lazily around his face, blocking her view of his eyes and mouth. She curled her leg up and opened her eyes, looking up at her ceiling, she felt whole. Her gaze trailed down towards the large frame laying on top of her, her cheeks flushing full of color at the soft sight of Caliban like this. So vulnerable and content. The blonde brought her fingertips to his shoulders and began gently scratching up and down his upper back. 

Hearing his soft sigh of approval was all Sabrina needed to close her eyes yet again, feeling enough exhaust to fuel her need for sleep. 

Caliban shrugged and lifted his head, startling Sabrina's peaceful thoughts of finally feeling wholesome and at ease. He looked up at her and then down her leg towards the bunched up blanket at the end of her queen sized bed. 

With a grunt, he yanked it up to cover his shoulders and settled back down on Sabrina's chest with a thud that nearly knocks the wind from her. 

Sabrina huffs a laugh and giggles low due to the weight on her chest. She feels Caliban smile against her skin and pop his head up to look at her with raised eyebrows and a giddy smile. 

"What?" 

Sabrina takes in his ruffled hair and feels more bursts of laughter bubble out of her, causing Caliban to use both forearms to prop himself up to look at her face to face. Sabrina shakes her head, not having the strength to stop laughing and explain what sprouted her laughter, which she wasn't really sure was either. She felt his eyes on her. 

"Are you laughing at me, Princess?" Caliban tried to sound stern, but Sabrina nodded along and opened her eyes, seeing he was still grinning like an idiot. She finally caught her breath and her giggles dissolved into panting. Caliban, being the stubborn brat he is, pushed himself up with his hands, hovering over her. She looked up at him and her hands absentmindedly drifted to his hips, lightly rubbing up and down his sides. She knew he liked that. Caliban had a fake frowny face on, trying to get Sabrina to tell him what was so funny. She smiled at him, absolutely loving the way his golden curls fell around his face as he held his upper body up, arms fully extended and planted on either side of her head. 

"My laugh made me laugh. Then I saw your hair and it escalated from there, drama queen." Sabrina replied happily. 

Caliban's face relaxed into a softer look with a small grin. Sabrina dragged her nails up his chest and cupped his jaw, missing the heat that he radiated onto her. She pulled his face down and pressed a kiss to his lips, budging slightly when his elbows came down to bear his weight. 

Sabrina pulled back from his mouth, reluctantly letting herself savor this moment. Caliban pecked another quick kiss to her lips before leaning down and trailing more pressured kisses down her jaw and onto her throat. Sabrina bit back a moan, not wanting to feed his arrogance, but also not caring and wanting to give into the sweet, lush attention his mouth was giving her skin. One small hand curled into his messy locks, while the other began clutching his shoulder. 

Caliban pulled his head back and smiled down at her, Sabrina waiting for a reasonable explanation as to why he stopped. He bends down again and leans in close to her ear, using his right elbow to bear all his weight while he used his free hand to skim over her body. 

"What do you say, Princess? Ready for round two?" 

xx

Sabrina woke to a bare back seated by her window, a stream of smoke dancing out into the dark, starry night around them. She smiled, hardly ever getting to wake up to Caliban after they agreed to do whatever they wanted and then go their separate ways. The blonde sighed and scooted off her bed, bending over to throw on a thick sweatshirt slung over her headboard. She adjusted her underwear and walked over to where the golden haired man was perched. 

"Hey." She still sounded sleepy and raspy, but managed to have a happily greeting tone when she approached him. 

He looks up at her and smiles, grabbing her arm and pulling her down to sit beside him on the surprisingly large bench under the window. Sabrina looks out the fully opened window, admiring the gleam of a nearly full moon, the harmonized song of the crickets, and even the distant sounds of Greendale traffic. Caliban sucks in a breath and glances over at her again, offering her whatever he was smoking with a steady hand. Sabrina takes it and sucks in whatever contents were rolled inside, eyebrows raised and throat a little itchy. She lets out the smoke and hands back his cigarette, or blunt, whatever it was. He gazed out thoughtfully at the clear, night sky, his eyes wishful and longing, almost as if he wished he could shoot himself off into the terrifying yet astonishing expanse of space. 

Sabrina takes this time to take him in, to see the way the brightness of the moon draws out his features. She scans his eased body, trailing her eyes back up to his now resting face. Caliban breathes in and out, slow and steady, and Sabrina smiles when she sees he's started to sleep. She reaches over and takes his cigarette, smashing it into her windowsill and tossing it out into the yard, not worrying about it for now. 

The witch stands up and carefully closes her window, locking it before lightly wrapping her arm around Caliban's waist, whispering to him to stand up and come back to bed. 

He wordlessly nods and stands up, not needing the support Sabrina is offering, but leaning on her anyways, more for the comfort of having her beside him. She sits him on the bed and lets him settle himself into her pillows and yet again bunched up comforter. The blonde walks to the other side of the bed, crawling to her warmed spot and laying on her back. 

For only a couple minutes, it's silent and peaceful, the only sounds coming from their shifts on the bed of a ruffle in the blanket. Then, Sabrina hears a cushioned shift in the mattress as Caliban moves over to her, laying his head next to hers and, almost protectively, wraps an arm around her middle. Sabrina opens her eyes and adjusts her body until she's comfortable, almost sad because of the scene before her. 

Remembering him earlier at the diner, talking to whoever that nameless girl was, it put a wrench in her heart. She frowned down at him, wondering why he was still here even though they'd long since finished what was a usual one and done appointment. 

Sabrina sighed and let herself doze off into a numb sleep. 

Let herself believe that he was here to stay. 

xx

One week had passed since Caliban had slept over at Sabrina's place, one week of radio silence and not seeing him anywhere in Greendale. She called probably called him a couple thousand times, and knocked on his door twice as much. She worried that he may be in trouble, maybe kidnapped or even murdered, but then she would shrug off the swarming thoughts linked to her binge of Criminal Minds. It took Sabrina a day to come to the conclusion that this was his way of breaking off their arrangement: ghosting her. She wanted to say it was so out of the blue, something she didn't see coming, but the way he held onto her so tightly and even stayed the night was hint enough that he was saying goodbye. She didn't want to admit it, but life had been so much worse with him gone. The blonde tried going on more small adventures around Greendale with her friends, tried to tell herself that he was just one guy. 

But Caliban wasn't just one guy. To Sabrina, he was a friend, a partner, an idiot, a talker, a lover. Caliban was everything wrapped up into one perfectly charming man. But he didn't think the same of her. Or maybe she had done something wrong, been too clingy or kissed him to often. Either way, she had to accept he was not interested and move on. 

After the week had passed, she stopped texting and calling him completely and found other things to focus her mind on. Within those seven days, Sabrina has mastered five new spells and assisted in crafting cute potions and whatnots with dear Aunt Hilda. She helped plan Hilda and Cerberus's wedding, only giving Hilda a good suggestion on which cake to reference. 

Today, Sabrina decided to meet up with her friends at the one and only Dr. Cerberus's for some sodas and chats. They did this every week, if not more. She swung open the door, glancing up at the chiming bells above her head before stepping over to the half full booth. Theo and Robin weren't there yet, only Harvey and Roz sat with Harvey's arm slung across her shoulders and two tall glasses of soda on the table. Sabrina smiled and walked over, sliding into the cushion opposite of them. 

They both greeted her kindly and the three started conversing about what the best milkshake was to order. Around twenty minutes passed by with the three laughing and talking and smiling like only the bestest of friends do. The ringing of the door bells made Sabrina watch the door, nonchalantly checking to see if it was Robin and Theo. Her smile fell almost instantly when she saw only one boy standing there, looking around at the comics before scanning the room and landing on her. Sabrina snapped her gaze back over to Harvey and Roz who curiously glanced over at this tall stranger, wondering why Sabrina was suddenly so quiet. 

"What? Who is that, 'Brina?" Roz asked. The witch took in a deep breath and surprisingly didn't feel as sad or scared as she thought she would when she pictured this moment. 

"Remember when I told you about my boy troubles?" Sabrina asked quietly, hoping Caliban couldn't overhear them. Harvey looked over again with a stern face, like a protector. Roz gaped and looked over too, eyes going wide. 

"He's coming over. Now. Hide!" Roz whisper shouted with urgency. Sabrina panicked, risking a glance over at him to see if she had time to run away, but sadly he was two feet away and striding fast. Sabrina groaned and stood up, looking back down at her wide eyed companions. 

"I'll be back in a minute." The blonde suggested, turning back with relaxed shoulders and a blank face, one she was proud finally worked after hours of practice. The last thing she wanted was to look as desperate as she felt inside, giving him an edge. She sighed and took him by the arm, walking them outside of the diner and in front of the large and sticker littered window. Caliban looked tired, almost like he hadn't slept for a week, his hair tangled instead of curly, lips chapped. She crossed her arms. 

"What do you want, Caliban?" Sabrina sounded meaner than she was going for, but not regretting having the sharp edge to her clipped tone. Caliban sighed and looked down, almost like an abused puppy. 

"I wanted to apologize." He replied, his voice resembling the same gravelly low and raspy voice he has when he wakes up from a deep sleep. Sabrina's eyebrows furrowed and she stood still, waiting for whenever he was going to speak next. Caliban looked back up at her and sighed, his shoulders dropping and face falling. 

"I'm sorry for how I treated you regarding the past week. It was stupid, and I've never felt more alone and regretful in my life. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." Caliban spoke. Sabrina relaxed her face and searched his eyes for any hint of a lie, not like she was a human lie detector or anything close to it. All she found was an emptiness. Caliban looked so handsome and she couldn't stop herself from seeing it, but he didn't look his usual charming and friendly. 

Sabrina nodded, dropping an arm and using her other to grip her elbow. He exhaled and smiled, briefly. 

"Now, I owe you an explanation. I know it won't do anything to justify why I was so rude, but I hope it'll open your mind to other things." He said, stepping closer and taking her free hand in both of his. Sabrina sucked in a breath and glanced down at his hands on hers. As much as she wanted to say it felt strange and unwanted, she missed it. His touch. His sincerity. Sabrina looked back up at him, watching him struggle to piece together the words. 

"I... What we had was nothing short of perfection. Don't think I didn't enjoy any of it, I just..." He trailed off, looking down again and softly cursing to himself. Sabrina sighed and reached out to lift his chin, bringing his gaze back up to her. 

He sighed before saying, "I'm helplessly in love with you, Sabrina. I don't know when it began, but ever since then, I have been holding you closer and staying a little longer and... I wanted to say it so many times. I wanted to tell you. I love you, I love you, I love you, but my pride overcame my confidence. I couldn't handle your rejection, so I figured if I let you be I could rid you of me. But I hated every second of it, and I had to see you and tell you." 

Sabrina felt it, a warm tear slide down to her jaw. Hearing Caliban speak so vehemently and seeing his face contort with such pain and confession, it made her want to go back in time and hold him a little closer. Made her want to say those three words a lot sooner now that she knows he was trying to do the same. The witch smiles and reaches up with both her arms wrapping around his neck, melting into the feel of his arms encasing her, circling round her waist. Something she never thought would happen again. Something she missed more than the sun missed the stars in the night sky. Sabrina breathed in the scent clinging to his shirt, reliving all the times she's savored that same smokey smell. One she memorized. 

"I love you too." 

xx

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated, mates :))


End file.
